You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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