i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
