This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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