Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cockslap morals
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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