he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize