why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
