hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
