I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
