My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
