I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
