There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
