We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
