You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
