I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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