This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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