I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
