I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
