i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
