People in love make me want to vomit
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found your dick twin last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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