so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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