Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize