he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
