im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
