'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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