The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
