The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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