I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
