haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I will die if light touches me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
