Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
