I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
