she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
