I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize