I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
