we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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