how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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