He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize