I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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