just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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