I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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