Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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