I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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