who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
