never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
