Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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