It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
