So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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