The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
pray to the hookup gods
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