O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
