dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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