I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
