I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
