I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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