I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
