Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
