do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
