After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
