I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
