i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
