So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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