If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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