i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
