Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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