Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
