also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
