I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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