I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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