Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
