Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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