I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
